


The Thief, the Pook, His Strife, and Their Troubles

by Froggimus Rex (Froggimus_Rex)



Category: Lost Girl
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-20
Updated: 2010-12-20
Packaged: 2017-10-13 21:26:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/141888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Froggimus_Rex/pseuds/Froggimus%20Rex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She was nowhere near insane enough or drunk enough to hit on someone or something who was as likely or not to see her as a snack, still for a potential Kenzivore, this guy was cute.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Thief, the Pook, His Strife, and Their Troubles

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ladysorka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladysorka/gifts).



This was not Kenzi's usual Friday night in the Dell. Something had gone down to make the usual drama between Bo, Dyson, and Doctor Hotpants even more dramatic than usual, and her girl had decided the best way to deal was killing something big enough and nasty enough that it was a good idea for everyone didn't have a magical healing vag to clear the area post haste and stock up on booze for when she was ready to talk about it, or at least seemed less obviously homicidal.

"Is this seat taken?"

Of course, the one advantage of Bo being missing in action was that Kenzi was down the worst wingwoman ever. Just because she was nowhere near insane enough or drunk enough to hit on someone or something who was as likely or not to see her as a snack, it didn't do a girl's ego any good to get ignored either. And between the shaggy black hair and trying too hard to look innocent smile, this one wasn't exactly hard on the ole peepers. Okay, so the gold eyes made him look like an escapee from the Twilight set, but still for a potential Kenzivore, this guy was cute.

"Not the last time I checked." She was reasonably certain that even if cute Fae guy had nefarious intentions which were of the not fun kind, Trick wouldn't let her get eaten. Reasonably certain. "Pull up a stool."

"Thanks." Oh, yes, she liked that grin and now that she'd gotten a good look at them, his teeth didn't look *too* sharp either. "I know I've been out of town a while, but I don't remember there being quite so many attractive humans in here. I'm Gary."

"Kenzi, and I don't recall meeting any attractive...whatever you are in here before."

Yeah, she was a true mistress of subtlety.

"Phouka."

"A whata?" She couldn't possibly have heard that right.

"A phouka." Clearly he picked up on her confusion because the next thing out of his mouth was "You know, Puck? Robin Goodfellow? A Midsummer Night's Dream?"

"I saw the movie once?" Which was really the maximum number of times a person needed to see Stanley Tucci with goat legs. Which was Kenzi's cue to check out Gary's since that would be just her luck. Nope, everything looked fine from here. Damn fine, to be quite honest.

"It got a couple of things wrong." There was exactly one word to describe the grin she got when he realised what she was doing, and while she mightn't have been an expert on Fae, Kenzi knew shameless. "We're more like kelpies. Just not psychotic."

"Kelpie?" Okay, now she was sure there was something wrong with her ears. "Like the dog?"

"Like the water horse, but if you rub my belly I'll still wag my tail."

Someone was under the mistaken belief he was as charming as he was cute. "Okay, Gary, let's pretend for just one moment that I don't have the least idea what you're talking about."

"We're shifters, mainly we turn into ponies and take unsuspecting humans on wild rides all night. It's a blast. Of course, if _you_ wanted to ride me, I wouldn't bother changing first."

"Wait, you turn into a _pony_? That's so _cute_." Probably not the reaction he was hoping for.

"Well, not _just_ a pony."

"So, gotta know, do you have a tattoo on your ass? When you change, I mean." Not that she'd exactly object to finding out if he had one when he looked human, given the way he was filling those jeans.

"What are you doing here, Gary?"

"Just making small talk." Gary did not look like a man whose Fae-ly dignity had just been saved by a timely interruption from the local barkeep. More like a kid with his hand caught in the cookie jar. "Hi Uncle Trick."

Wait, what? "Uncle?"

"Purely an honorary one." That reply came far too quickly to be fueled by anything other than horror. "His mother used to work for me when he was younger, much younger. He's lucky he's allowed back in after last time."

"I'm sensing a story here. Don't hold out on me T-man."

"Let me put it this way, I'd trust you with the keys to this place before I would him."

Kenzi was touched. Also vaguely insulted. Also all of a sudden guessing Gary wasn't actually that interested in her smoking hot bod.

"Oh, trust me, I'm totally interested in that." The shameless grin made a quick reappearance, and was just as quickly replaced by something very close to chagrin when Trick glared at him. Continued to glare. Whatever. "But I also know this guy who knows a guy who knows girl who knows a lightning bird who said that there was this human girl who hung around this place who knew a thing or two about arranging deals with Fae. Didn't mention you were hot though, going to have to speak with him about that."

"Gareth Carlisle Carver." And here Kenzi was thinking she was the only one who ever got that particular look from Trick. "Have you gotten into favour trading again?"

"No, I mean, yes, look, it wasn't my idea this time."

"Oh, it never is. What do you owe, and who do you owe it to _this_ time?"

"It's nothing, at least nothing important. I just have to find something for this Koschei, one of those idiots who thinks putting his heart inside an egg, then the egg inside a duck, inside a hare, and so on is a good idea. The genius forgot where he put the damned chest."

"Okay, between the heads and the hearts, what is with you guys and the removable body parts? Should I start worrying about stray eyes following me home?" Not to mention the fact she would never be able to look at a turducken the same way ever again. Not that she'd ever actually seen one before, but it was the principle of the thing.

"...besides, I already know who knows where it is. It's just that I have to deal with who it is that knows where it is."

"Do I even want to know?" Gary had just made Trick smack himself in the forehead, Kenzi was impressed, even on her best day she couldn't manage that. "Who am I kidding, of course I don't."

"Baba."

"You thought you'd hide from her behind Kenzi?"

"Not hide behind, exactly, more use her an intermediary." It wasn't exactly hard for Kenzi to translate _that_ as him totally planning on hiding behind her. "One who's getting a reputation for fast-talking Fae, and hey, Baba's a traditionalist, she'll practically feel obliged to let herself get tricked by a human girl."

Kenzi decided it was probably a good idea to speak up before Trick managed to burst a blood vessel and she lost her line on free drinks. "I'll do it."

Trick stopped glaring long enough to glance her way. "Are sure about this, Kenzi?"

"Getting information out of some creepy Fae? Bo and I do it all the time, it'll be easy." Some half-forgotten childhood warning from her grandma about what happened naughty girls who didn't mind their elders to prompted her to add. "But just so you know, if there are any huts on chicken legs involved, I'll be out of there so fast you won't even see me."

***

Naturally, there was a hut on chicken legs involved. Of course there was. Complete with flaming skull fence-posts. You know, for that whole charming atmosphere.

Okay, so, it was more accurate to say that there had _been_ a hut involved. It also said something about how Kenzi spent her time that the explosion really was the least surprising thing tonight. Not that it stopped her from glaring at the shaggy, black pony watching her with a sheepish look.

"Fat lot of good _you_ were back there."

Gary twitched his tail in a ponyish shrug, as if asking what exactly he was supposed to have done without opposable thumbs.

"C'mon Pony Boy, at least we know where to start looking, and after this how much worse can things get?"

***

"...shortly afterwards the fire department arrived on the scene..."

Much worse, it turned out, though Kenzi would hasten to add that nobody actually died. Permanently. And what was a little property damage between friends?

"...and the bomb squad..."

Or a lot?

"...this incident, or rather this series of incidents, involving the human Kenzi, boon companion to the succubus Bo, beholden to neither..."

"Boon companion? That sounds kinda dirty, and by kinda I mean really."

"Kenzi, there's only so many ways to refer to a human who's been claimed by a Fae, would you prefer pet?"

"Boon companion's good."

"...aligned to the Light Fae..."

"Trickster, why is Hale doing this speech thing, instead of just typing up a report? We've had enough post-case bit- uh, conversations to know he has to file _those_ in triplicate."

"It's a holdover from the time when the Fae relied on oral history. Originally these kind of records were taken down by bards. Who usually got paid by the word. Trust me, we're lucky that no one is going to have to sing, or use poetic meter."

"You mean like, 'There once was this phouka named Gary...'"

"Not quite like that. By the way, Kenzi, you do know that the 'p' in phouka isn't silent?"

"Of course I know that...now."


End file.
